Cinema-Maniac: I Am Here….Now

If you didn’t know about Neil Breen before reading this review….you’re welcome. Films like The Room and Troll 2 are considered to be among the best example of “so bad it’s good” cinema. It’s a classification that needless to say is a double edge sword since the same elements that make them unintentionally enjoyable are also what makes them unbearable at times. Turning something that is enjoyably bad to a dreadful film experience at any given moment. I Am Here….Now best represents both side of the spectrum for these kind of films for it is hilarious ineptitude in every category, but also the exact thing that makes you constantly fight going into Dreamland.

Our film main character, played by Neil Breen, is listed as “The Being” in the film closing credits who is basically Jesus. The Being arrives on Earth to express his disappointment of the human species. “I’m disappointed in your species. The human species” Neil Breen delivers with the least amount of emotion possible to a cheap looking fake skull and a clearly fake toy spider in the middle of a lonesome desert. This is the first line of spoken dialogue in the film taking seven minutes to get too. It took seven minutes to show a CGI computer tunnel twice, the opening title card that uses fade ins for the four ellipses, glued motherboard and smaller computer parts on Neil Breen body, long takes of seeing the desert, quick cuts of Neil Breen having and not having on a mask of an alien, and repeating footage. This is just the first seven minutes, and it doesn’t get any easier.

Attempting to properly explore the story of I Am Here….Now is like contemplating why we are here in this universe. Such questions are impossible to find, but I Am Here….Now is easy. Basically, all the dialogue of anyone who is corrupt must tell the audience they are corrupt in every scene they are in. The repetitiveness of “Evil politician killing the planet” or “Screw nature” variety of dialogue is painful and laughable. “We had the best of intentions of improving the nation’s sustainable energy system and environment, but the corruption and greed in big businesses and government won’t let it happen” is an example of unnaturally written dialogue. Nothing about what people say seems human at any point. Not only is the dialogue incredibly dumb down, but hilarious in its awkwardness.

Another issue that pegs the film besides having characters speak is continuity. Despite the main crux of the story being easy to follow it is also simultaneously incomprehensible. For example, there’s a scene in the film where a gang is looking at two women looking to be strippers or hookers (characters dialogue changes profession freely). One of the gang member comment “Hell yeah. I’ll do her” when checking out the women who want to be hookers. Then the leader of the gang replies “I get her first” shooting his member who didn’t even say anything in the upper forearm. Immediately this raises red flags like why is the actor different, why did the color of the cap change, why did the leader just immediately shoot his member in the forearm, how come the member who got shot has no bullet hole in other scenes from that shot, how come the gang member who shot still works despite his insane leader, and how come the gang member who actually said that comment didn’t get punished by the gang leader? So much questions from a simple scene.

Logically from what you come expect from the great writing is completely alien. In the film, when one of the main female character gets fired from her job. Her friend says she should be a stripper so casually in their conversation. Or another moment when the same female character talks to her husband about losing her job, and quickly consider being a full time hooker. Nope, it’s never shown if this character attempts to look for another type of job. Random moments like these are gut bustingly funny, but you’ll have to endure some very repetitive editing, and very long take of reuse footage or stock footage that doesn’t connect to the main story. For every short burst of hilarity you have minutes of starring at nothing happening on screen or footage you already seen inserted randomly. All of it is intriguing, but very tedious to endure for a good time.

Going back to the simple, yet incomprehensible story the goal of “The Being” is to put humanity on the right path. The Being accomplishes this by simply killing 8 people in Las Vegas which apparently equals mission accomplished. Beyond being nonsensical, the lone fact The Being killed 8 people who happened to be corrupt politician without specification to how much power they hold or part of a gang won’t teach humanity a lesson. Especially when expressing he’ll give humanity another chance. His desire to give humanity a second chance would mean something if he didn’t say this in the middle of desert where no one could hear him. In the film, The Being is shown slowing down time, and tells us he can destroy the entire planet. For reasons never explained why The Being doesn’t simply do a live broadcast to motivate humanity to improve would make sense.

Neil Breen is credited as the star, producer, music editor, editor, special makeup effects, craft services, locations and props, writer, and director. He’s a one man show and it shows throughout the film he had a shoestring budget. The closing credits even list a thanks to stockmusic.net where the music was obtained from and Artbeats.com for stock footage. Even in the closing credits it manages to get a laugh when on the DVD it says the film is available in High Definition, and HD. From a film that falls under the “so bad it’s good” camp is the acting is hilariously bad by actors who don’t know they were doing a bad job. Line delivery sound force and awkward while sharing no convincible chemistry with each other. There plenty shots of the desert so prepare to see a whole lot of nothing. Special effect are cheap looking including the practical ones. Like when Neil Breen stops time there’s still moving cars in the background.

I Am Here….Now offer great entertainment, but also a battle with boredom and constant drowsiness. The screen presence of Neil Breen is rivaled by very few famous bad actors, but also his ineptitude in filmmaking is majestic for the wrong reasons. It’s a good time for those short burst of questionable filmmaking that can make you laugh as much as a great comedy. Unfortunately the sloppy editing and its heavy reusing of footage holds back from being a recommendable title even among those who enjoy “so bad it’s good” films.

2/10

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